i have sat in the council of amazing visionaries and at times have been found guilty of believing the hype of my own existence. i have also walked the dusty road of the defeated, the self-deprecating, refusing to see hope of discovering something valuable in my life. one answer seems to succumb to the abuse of unmet expectations and waves high the flag of apathy. the other overacts to the fear of failure and with an adequate level of humility extols the unique calling that will some how redeem me from the tragedy of the ordinary. neither seem to answer the questions fairly.either answer invites a journey that is contradictary to a place of peace, but seem to offer subtle substitutes.
if i go on the journey of extreme hope, i look for my life to solve the deep pains in the lives around me. i want to impact my spot on the timeline significantly. i want brilliance.
if i go on the journey of endangered hope, i want to find some complementary current to ride and hum along wherever it takes me, not really desiring more than to appreciate the ebs and flows between my toes.
i do not really need to convince myself that my life is valuable and that i have an unique, irrevocable moment to live, nor do i need to spend time examining reality to see the now pains and pleasures in the simple interactions with those beside me. i have found my place to do both.
my struggle is to find the balance. how do i grasp a vision that sees today for what it is, celebrates and forgives yesterday for what it was, and hopes for a tomorrow that may be glorious? is it possible to cherish a strategic hope for your life that is not pompous or self-serving? is it possible to have a meaningful impact in your circle if your highest goal is to not be wounded by your own expectations?
it seems that at times we each choose our allegiance to survive. we hide behind the past, the sentiments and reasons to prejudge our todays and tomorrows. we cope with reality by living only caring about the present, celebrating the joys and accepting the sorrows that each day brings. we lay out exhaustive plans of why tomorrow will be different, better, than yesterday or today. in some combination of the three, we choose our allegiance to exist.
i think we would all say, "i want my life to matter." But in that statement, can hide a whole world of fear and expectation. what that means to each of us will be entirely unique.
the place of peace that i have found looks like this:
1) forgive the past, specifically and fervently. celebrate and cherish your family, friends, and whatever sweet memories you have made together.
2) accept that today is not in your hands, and then choose to be responsible in the midst of the acceptance that you cannot control it. pray and live, no matter what comes.
3) guard your hope for tomorrow by trusting in the hope of redemption. tomorrow may be shining or squalid, but it can be redeemed. hope for the sake of others, for the sake of love, for the sake of honoring God. do not sacrifice your imagination and dreams at the table of unmet expectations. accept that you have hope for a reason greater than survival of monotony.
4) accept that your identity and your value are not to be gambled on the outcomes of any of the above. if you have entered into a covenant relationship with God through the sacrifice of his son, Jesus, then you have been redefined permanently. your value has been appraised and established by the unselfish act of one. rest in that place.
i wish i could say that i have this all figured out, but i am still facing my own questions of how to do this, how to find peace in all things. this advice is as much for me as for anyone who reads this. this must be the end of my questions and wisdom for the moment.
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