humans anonymous

okay, i am posting another entry that is more questions than answers. i guess this blog will not ever be used as a source of "expert advice", but honestly i don't know what i could claim expertise of (maybe an expert at petting my cat, sipping coffee, and typing at the same time?). plus, i would rather be a source of true expression than pretend to be a know-it-all. i also know there are people who read this blog that are not christians, so i don't want to rant and rave like i have all the answers for your life. i won't lie. i believe that entering into a relationship with God through the innocent sacrifice of Jesus is crucial to this life and eternity. but i hope, if anything, i am able to express my own struggles as i hunt for truth in reality. i don't think enough people model that. we like our fake superheros and our world class screw-ups, but leave little room to grow in life in front of peers and enemies. if you hunt around for a few minutes on other blogs, we have an overabundance of critics, cynics, and self-righteous saboteurs.

i wish we would recognize that we are in this boat together. we have all made mistakes, and all struggle to accept and improve the person in the mirror. we all struggle to love the people in our lives, to forgive those who have hurt us, to accomplish something meaningful with our lives (however you define it)...

we all attempt elevate our strengths, knowledge, beauty, power, wealth, successes, seniority... and we do so to compensate for fear of being compared with our neighbors, siblings, parents, bosses, spouses or our own expectations for our self.

so either we criticize, strive, or just try to enjoy the ride, but ultimately we isolate ourselves from others, even though we may have friends we interact with everyday. why? because we have learned to. we have learned that even those who appear to have good intentions for us screw up. we have learned, tragically, that living separate is how we effectively gain "control" of the unexpected. we have learned to be busy, to be effective, to fill our days and time with a life we can mostly control. we have learned that having a large house, new car, and fat retirement account is the key to happiness.

so, with all our great learning, why is it that so much pain runs just under the surface? as we have shifted from our small homes with big front porches to our private estates with home theater systems has not our American society lost something of value? we are the envy of much of the world financially, yet we lead the losers in almost every indicator of societal breakdown (teenage pregnancy, divorce, abortions/unwanted pregnancies, drug use, alcoholism, sex addictions, murders per capita). i don't want to imply that our individualism and pride is behind all of this, as i don't think the answers for something that large can be hung on one cause.

it is my thought that so much of this is tied to our inability to build and maintain significant relationships with others. i know there are many out there that have communities of friends and have developed close ties in their neighborhoods. so i cannot imply that we are a friendless society, but i really question where we have gone when our priorities are directed by what is waiting for us at home on our dvr or TIVO. we have developed sophisticated lives of escapism. i have to lump myself in this boat on some level too. i love entertainment, but if at the end of the week, month, and year all i have to show for it is a list of watched movies i can cross off my list, then something is tragically wrong in my world.

tolerance, political correctness, and equality have been heralded in our culture with great positive results, but much of this has been accomplished through lawsuits, defamation, slander, threats of legal actions, and persecution. i think we have learned that to live "lawsuit-free" we must live distant from one another. so we have the appearance of tolerance on many levels, but i question if we really have grown as people or just learned to be a bit more inward and separated.

beyond this, we all have histories that resonate with moments of failure of heroes, parents, loved ones, religious leaders, friends, and enemies. our learning has been to protect ourselves by separation. america has consistently surpassed all other nations in indicators of individualism. we are a people that love a hero that stands alone and succeeds in the face of tremendous opposition.

so i sit here, really troubled, to create an adequate answer to society, to trends, to isolation... it seems like it is such a personal battle around personal values and personal choices. all i can do is make the choice for myself to live differently than what i see my culture present as the expected norm. i can say, "hey, i think there is a problem here. does anyone else see this? does anyone else feel very isolated from meaningful, supportive relationships while having a lot of interaction in your life?"

i'm grateful for the trends in my life that seem juxtapose to individualism, but i cannot help but wonder what it would take to break down the barriers in my immediate circles so that others around me can enter into greater levels of mutual intimacy and supportive friendship. is it a lack of having a model, a lack of seeing the need, a gap in having a context to express your need, feelings of fear, pride, competition? are we entirely lost on what it is to meaningfully engage and support one another? what would it take to establish a new norm, a trend in sharing life casually with those we pass on a daily basis?

i feel like so many of us have not yet realized that we cannot truly win in life on our own. it's unrealistic and unfair to expect that. i am not calling for communal living. rather, i want to see the death of this virtue of isolation and private strength that we feel we need to appear "put together". where has this truly gotten us? is the trade off in maintaining a professional appearance worth the emotional and societal breakdowns we have observed? do we want to continue to define success in terms of our own little 1/4 acre plots of soil, studs, and siding?

i question the values i have absorbed just being a part of american society in the last three decades. and i guess, on a more important level, i question the level that the american church has reflected this value of individualism. i think many who do not go to church struggle with how similar the lives of those who claim a belief in christianity are to those who do not. that is a question that would be difficult to fully approach, but i believe part of it is tied to our isolation.

those of you who are christians, how many truly honest moments have you had with other christians? have you been able to share the person under your skin meaningfully with your christian peers? have you been able to support others in the midst of struggles or felt supported in the midst of yours? i am not entirely critical of the church, as i have had many meaningful moments - but i think i live outside the norm in my experience.

why do we accept this as a way of life? i am convinced that there is an undercurrent of community out there. i don't think we are so far from entering into a more cooperative way of life. it just takes changing a few priorities, returning a few calls, initiating a few get togethers, and humbly accepting that others may see that you don't fully have your life together yet. it wouldn't take a radical change in how we live. almost all of us could float three or four hours a week away from entertainment and to sharing casual time with friends, family, neighbors, etc.

i feel like we would all start off with a better foundation to share life with one another, if we recognized we are in this boat together. maybe we should greet one another in a fashion similar to alcoholics anonymous meetings.

"Hello, my name is _________. And I am a human. I am learning. I am growing. It has probably been minutes since my last mistake. How are you?"